ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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