how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
