So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
