At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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