he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This baby is an asshole
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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