I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
