Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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