Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
