Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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