I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Barsexuality is the new black.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
