I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
