when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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