I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
