how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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