i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
