I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
