I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
