??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
as a side note pls kill me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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