She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
