A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I enjoy the company of your penis
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