8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
