it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
