you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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