you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize