I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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