We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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