I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
