When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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