guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
