Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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