You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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