I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
