Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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