girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
