Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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