dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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