i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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