and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
