i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
