I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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