I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
