What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sext me about skeletons
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
