2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
