Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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