I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
