I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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