he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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