I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
