So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
