I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
