Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
