I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
