so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
