11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
